Thanks for the Invalids

Well, I thought I did pretty well in the race. Apparently reality had a different opinion.

The results are in and they are not kind. First the good: we finished at an 8:00 minute pace with an official race time of 59:35 and made our 60 minute goal. We also finished in the top half of all participants, finishing 92 and 93 out of 212 finishers (I'll let you guess who was 92 and who was 93).

Also, Leah finished 4th in here age/sex divison (out of 13), barely missing out on the covetted 3rd place finish. While we could not get her a bronze medal, she does get a lovely purple participation ribbon. Thanks for playing!

What I don't understand is, how do we run an 8:00 minute pace, a pace which would put us in a competative bin in most real races, and barely finish in the top half of this race? Clearly there is something in the Fort Wayne water that makes these people run at their super-human pace. I blame an over-flouridation of the water. Whatever the reason, it is annoying, to say the least.

A couple other positives in the race that Leah didn't mention: we passed a 60 year old blind man (eventually) and a 12 year boy (barely). In fact, we were clearly in the first wave of people, distancing ourselves from the slower second wave. So, thank god for the wave of cripples and elderly toddling along behind us, launching us into the top half of the race. Without them, it would have been a truly humbling experience and the last thing I would want is to be humbled. I'm already humble enough. In fact, I'm probably the most humble person I know, which is rare for someone as brilliant and attractive as I am.

Oh, right, we were speaking of humbling experiences? How about humiliating experiences? Yes, well, that's where my results come in. I placed fairly well in my division (age 20-29 males), finishing a solid 15th. Top 15 would generally make me happy, if there were more than 15 people in my division. Yep, that's me, Mr. 15 out of 15. Mr. Zeroth percentile (actually, Mr. Zero is a pretty sweet nickname). I guess I should have know that coming back to Fort Wayne, the city which saw me through my high school days, would result in some sort of embarrassment. After all, for 17 years, that was the sole purpose of this fine city. I think it was actually in the city motto ("Pride, Productivity, and mocking Jason. And Churches, we've got lots of churches").

But, really, the real problem was the division of divisions. I'm used to being in the 25-29 age division where I'm the young buck. It's totally unfair that they expect me to compete against 21 and 22 year olds. I mean, if they have made my divison the 25-29 year olds, I would have finished 7th, which is much more reasonable (okay, out of 7, but whatever. I still beat the blind guy).

So, in summary, I'd like to thank Fort Wayne for hosting a nice, well organized race without any long, annoying stretches and lots of twists and turns. It was a nice course through some pretty parts of Fort Wayne. More importantly, I'd like to thank the cripples and the elderly for letting me leave Fort Wayne with at least a shred of dignity.

It's the least Fort Wayne could do for me.