Like Marathon Training?

So today is the big day and I was a little bit (ok a lot bit) anxious last night. It was almost the same feeling I have as before a big race. So it got me questioning how similar this pregnancy was to a summer filled with marathon training.

I always thought that the two things would be very similar. You train your body to go through something horrible and wonderful at the same time. With racing you run speed workouts, you run long runs, you run some races for practice. When race day comes you are prepared to toe the line even if you are nervous because all the work you had done for 6 months has you ready.

With this pregnancy I would have to say I feel like I'm toeing the line for a marathon without having done one single run. Aside from the fact that you can't really prepare for the first time you are going through childbirth, but it's more than that. This pregnancy has been maybe not the most fun thing (really....I weigh what?) and holy hell do I miss running and jeans that can button, but in general it's been super freakin' easy. I have zero, yeah you ready that right, swelling in my hands and feet. Well maybe not zero as my wedding rings became a bit uncomfortable, but very very slight. I can still walk around with the best of them, I wake up to go to the bathroom only about once a night and I'm easily sleeping 8-9 hours per night.

I have talked to other people that are 41 weeks pregnant or at least at the end of their pregnancy and they are so uncomfortable and have had enough pre labor signs that they might be more prepared for labor than someone like me who hasn't.

Add to the fact that if this was a race, when you cross the finish line they hand you something that is literally going to change you life for. ever. I mean not that I didn't know this going in. But it's not just getting through a race. It's starting a new kind of race.

I keep saying, "Oh this is the last time this apartment is going to be so quiet." or "This is the last time we are going to be able to go do this or that". What I have to start doing is thinking about all the firsts that we are going to get to do and how exciting that is going to be. I have a giant fear that Jason and I are going to lose who we are in this process and our relationship will change. And we probably will change, but it doesn't mean we aren't going to change for the better. We have to still make time for each other otherwise we will become what we despise. The people that talk about their loved ones with a hint of annoyance. Or talk about parenting like it's a chore. Jason and I are so excited to be parents and drag that little one all over this city doing fun things. We don't really lead a very glamorous lifestyle and most of the things we like to do will be more fun with a kid in tow anyways. Zoo lights? The beach? Gay Pride Parade? Anything else happening in the city? Hell. To. The. Yeah.

And so like marathon training? Not for me anyways. Marathon racing perhaps. But at the end of this race, instead of JUST being sore and tired, we will meet a Little Lucille Jean. And I'll be a Mom. Wait...who the hell let me be a Mom? WHERE ARE THE ADULTS?

<14 hours.

Less than 36 hours

Well these posts aren't too exciting as Lucy can't seem to get her head in the game and figure out how to come here all on her own. I am being induced tomorrow night at 10:30pm unless something happens between now and then that makes the baby come out. I am doubting that and so we are just counting down till tomorrow so that if she comes early it'll be like a fun little surprise.

Yesterday we had an appointment just to make sure it was ok to wait until Sunday night for the induction and everything looks great. The tech at my doctors appointment was wonderful and said that the baby looked perfect and although she's going to be a big baby she looks great. The doctor also calmed me down giving me some recent weights of babies they have delivered recently. Not that I could do anything about it anyways and we say the bigger she is the more of her there is to love. That's what I'm telling myself anyways, although I don't know if my vagina is in agreement with me.

I had another internal exam and the doctor said that I'm now maybe 1.5cm dialated. I wanted to tell her that she doesn't need to grasp at straws to make me feel better :). Also I'm about 50% effaced and I hadn't been anything effaced previously so I guess she's moving down a bit. When I got home I'm pretty sure...and here is where I'm questioning how detailed I want to get on this blog but what the hell...that the bloody show they talk about happened which was gross and scary. But I totally thought that it was a sign that labor was starting right then. I called the doctor and she said that it was probably due to the exam that got that stuff started. So yeah. I got that going for me. Just no labor.

We think that the baby is going to have to be ok with cat fur as everything in our apartment has at least one cat hair on it. Dagny the Wonder Cat has taken to sleeping on the changing table and inside the little bouncer that we got. She's going to be in for quite the shock next week I think. Anyone else out there with cats and new babies?

Everything in the apartment is ready. The bags are ready although I'm guessing since I have no idea what to expect I'm not going to have anything that I really need. What did you bring to the hospital? What did you find that you wish you had or that you had that made your time in the hospital that much easier?

I'm going to try and get some sleep today and tonight and tomorrow given that I'm going to be up for many hours starting Sunday night so I'm going to store up some time, although I know that's not really possible. So napping and football today and napping and football tomorrow. Good thing the Bears are so boring this year as they are super easy to nap to.

So that is all. Just waiting and waiting and waiting.....

Mini Contractions(?), Dreams and Teddy Bears

Last night as I was sitting on the couch I was again hit with some lower abdomen pain type things. I looked in the pregnancy books I have and these could be a sign of early labor. So that's cool. I don't know why I only get them at one time of the day when sitting in one position but there they are. Jason kept his hand on my belly and said he thought it was getting harder as I would get uncomfortable. So who knows. As soon as I went to bed they stopped though, or I was just too tired to feel anything.

Last night I had two crazy ass dreams. The first was the baby was here but it was time to take her home from the hospital and I was worried it was too cold out. So I put her back in (yes. I know it's fucking weird) and then birthed her again when I got home. What the what? Seriously.

The other dream I had was that I went back to work the day after I gave birth. And after work I was like, wait what the fuck am I doing? How could I have not take the day after the birth off? How is the baby eating? I wanted to breast feed. So I went running back to the hospital and when I got there I was like..um, yeah I'm back.

These dreams are not making me feel any more confident about my abilities to parent. At all.

Today my sister-in-law goes in for her scheduled c-section. I think it's at 11:30. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little jealous as I thought Lucy would be here first, but I can't wait to see pictures of that little one! It will always be fun I think for our kids to be almost the exact same age. Little Alice will always be able to do the, "I'm older than youuuuuuuuuu" routine. That'll work until they are about 30 and then Lucy can be all, "oooooh I'm still only 29!"

Jean and her son Ethan are coming over to visit this afternoon if Ethan is feeling up to it as he had his first round of shots yesterday afternoon and so might be a cranky baby and not feeling up to it. It'll be fun to have some company this afternoon so I'm looking forward to that.

Early doctor appointment tomorrow morning for another full round of tests to see how she's doing in there. Assuming all is fine and she's just clueless, we'll be enjoying one last weekend alone and then Sunday night we head in. Kinda scary. I'm wondering if I'm not any closer to labor Sunday night if I can just take the el downtown. I mean seriously what's the point of driving or taking a cab? The train won't be crowded at that time of night. Ok Ok, we'll get a ride. I'm just saying not much of a point I don't think.

Anyone know of any companies in Chicagoland that do teddy bear restoration? We went to this doll place on the north side but they only worked with dolls only and not plush animals and I'm sorry to say the woman working there was a little bitchy. She didn't even ask how old Charlie the Bear was! He's 50! Which I think is kind of impressive. Our plan right now if we can't find a teddy bear hospital is to take out the stuffing and handwash him and then restuff him and patch him up. So if you don't know any restoration places what would you stuff a teddy bear with? Any tips or suggestions would be appreciated.

So yep. Still pregnant. But I'm beating the shit out of Mario Galaxy so I got that going for me.

Thought Maybe. Then Not So Much.

Last night I was sitting on the couch and Lucy was doing her usual night time dance routine and all of a sudden I was all, "WHOA, ouch."

I was thinking this is it. This is labor. It's going to happen tonight. Yeah. No. Not so much labor I guess as her just moving around and hitting me in some bad places that caused a lot of pain. What the hell, how am I supposed to know what a contraction is.

So then I was all excited because I kept thinking that it would happen that night.  And again, not so much.

The biggest problem last night was that she would not stop moving, which is totally a good sign, but oh my god she was an animal in there. I couldn't get comfortable in bed, and laid awake for many hours wishing she would go to sleep so that I could as well. So. Not too good of a nights sleep and with me tossing and turning and Lucy beating on my stomach which has Jason's hand on it most night he didn't get much sleep either. I can take a nap of course but I feel really bad because he has a full day of work he has to get through.

It's looking like Jason is almost going to take the entire month of December off. His company gives a week of paid paternity leave (actually it's a week of paid leave for men and woman who have new babies, and then for women the short term disability kicks in) which is awesome and then he has a bunch of vacation saved up, so it's looking like he'll take the next eight days off as well. So this is his last week at work for awhile it's looking like.


Today I'm going with my Dad to take a 50 year old teddy bear named Charlie in for surgery. This is my Dad's teddy bear from when he was a kid and we all feel that Lucy should have it. However, Charlie is in critical shape and needs a lot of work and apparently Dad and Sue found a place that restores such things.

So it's Wednesday December 2nd. 5 days at the longest until we meet Lucy. 

Progress Lacking but an End in Sight

Well. I'm not surprised but I'm no farther along than I was 2 weeks ago. Still only 1cm dilated and nothing else is happening down there. No softening, no head moving down anywhere, no effacing. I have literally had 0 contractions. I mean nothing. No braxton hicks, nothing.

So. Yeah.

But we have a plan now and it helps to have that at least in my head. We go back to the doctor on Friday for another ultrasound, NST& checkup as that will be my exact 41 week date. If all looks ok, in other words that don't need to induce right away the induction will start at 10:30pm Sunday night. I know I know, there are a lot of people out there that are against inducing, but Jason and I are not. The baby is already measuring very big and frankly I'm done with being pregnant and so I'm looking forward to it.

The time sounded weird to me at first, but now I'm happy with it. The doctor said they don't like to just pump me full of lots of pitocin and would rather try to have it take some time so that my body can maybe figure out what it's supposed to be doing with just a little nudge. My doctor will be at the hospital on Monday and so with me going in on Sunday night I'm pretty much guaranteed to have her there to deliver the baby which I'm happy about.

If the baby is born on Monday her birthday would be 12/7 and what's cool about that is Jason's birthday is 7/12 so we got that going for us. The non-cool part about that is that we have to wait till Monday. Not that it can't happen on it's own before then, but worst case is the plan laid out for us and we really trust and like our doctor and that's the most important thing.

I never went into this with a set plan of "This is how the birth of my child HAS to go". About 18 months ago I went through some pretty major panic attacks and through that experience learned that as soon as you think something HAS to go a certain way, you can end up panicking and being severely disappointed when it doesn't go that way. Then being upset that you are upset and it's this awesomely bad spiral of badness :). I'm not the best with going with the flow, but I'm getting better and the thing I did to make that better was to stop saying, I HAVE to do something only one way. One of the best things for me to do is to ask, ok, this is how I would like something to go, but what if it doesn't? Then what? Knowing that the other options or outcomes to a certain situation are laid out and aren't "bad" is extremely helpful to me.

Yes I had to go to a therapist to learn to stop saying I HAVE to do this. Those months a year and a half ago might not have been the most fun in our household and I would say that they might have been the worst of my life. But I would never take them back because I am a better and calmer person for it. This situation would have been out of control I think had I not had some internal tools to deal with situations. So Yay for panic attacks!

Jason took a personal day today in case something went bad and now that it's not we are going to run some errands and then decorate for Christmas tonight. We are going to get the tree after Lucy gets here I think which should be fun. It'll be all decorated for when my mom gets here on the 12th which is perfect.

And so I'm off. And who knows, maybe Lucy will get her head in the game and figure out that she's very uncomfortable and make a move to exit on her own. You never know.

What to Talk About?

Well how annoying has this blog gotten? I'll give you one guess to guess what I might mention in this post.

Guess yet?

How about now?

Well if you said, "Leah's going to talk about how she's still pregnant" then you would be correct! DING DING DING!!!!!

I know, this blog used to be filled with all kinds of wittyness, and awesomeness and so on and so forth. Now it's just repeating the same thing over and over.

LeahC is still fat and pregnant and not happy about it.

I should have known better to think that she would be early or on time. My family tends to make big babies that arrive late. Which is awesome. In addition to being late, I'm pretty sure she's going to be giant sized. I think my adviser said that his son was over 11lbs at birth (seriously...he was born in Switzerland when he was working at CERN) and so Jason is wondering if we can beat that one. Oh please I hope not. 

Not much going on today. Reading, walking, knitting, mario galaxying and patiently (!!!) waiting for labor. Tomorrow we go to the doc so we'll see if something interesting is happening. Happy Monday All.

Lucy Room Pictures

We finished Lucy's room about a week ago and I realized I had yet to put pictures of it up here. My tripod broke and so not as clear as my photos of her room usually are, but you'll get the idea.

These are a few of her crib area. The print above her bed was purchased at the Wells Street art fair and the cubbie mobile plays, "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" and was purchased by Lucy's grandpa. Although her Baba (my mom/ex-wife of grandpa...Baba is Ukrainian for grandma) would like Lucy to know that she saw it on Amazon a long time ago but didn't purchase it and so really she wins. Yes it's all about winning in my family. My entire childhood was me asking, "Is this a winning game?"

This corner is directly across from her crib and hosts several of the prints we got including room for many to go up in the future. The rocking chair was also purchased at an art fair and is one of the most comfortable rocking chairs I have sat in. I think Lucy will like being rocked in it. I love the little reading light next to the chair and am realizing that Lucy's room is way way cooler than our room and that we might have gone overboard.

We got this light fixture at Ikea and think it's pretty fun and makes the light a little less harsh in the room.

This is her changing table with two prints of little pigs over the top shelf which we got at an art fair in Bloomington, Indiana. Right now Teddy is holding Lucy's place and we are using him to practice diapering/any baby swings, car seats etc. No I'm not kidding that we strapped him into the car seat. And it was super cute.

This dresser was actually my Dad's grandparents dresser. Then it was his, then it was mine. Then we refinished it and now it'll be Lucy's. The clock on the right was given to Jason and I from my mom for our wedding and it's supposed to do fun things on the hour. It's supposed to play a song and the face opens up and turns around but it's not working for some reason. The print is another one we got at the Wells Street art fair.

This final one is just looking into the room from the hallway.

Did we do too much? Probably.
Is her room way cooler than any other room in the house? Yes.
Am I worried about when we move out and then landlord seeing that green paint? Absolutely.
Are we totally excited for Lucy to arrive? More than you can imagine.
Is mom totally bored out of her mind and wondering what the hell she's going to do this week? Yes. With a capital 'Y'.

Earlier today she moved so much and we don't know if she realizes she'll be so much more comfortable out here with us as I'm guessing those long legs and giant head are running out of room.

So I guess this is just preparation for me to get ready to not be able to control every little thing like I like right now.  I'm just such a planner and I'm always on time for things and so on and I'm guessing sometimes I'm just going to have to let things go if they don't go exactly according to plan. Maybe Lucy is already teaching her mom a lesson. Maybe....but maybe Lucy will just have to learn to be on time in the future. Not even here yet and already a Daddy's little girl.

The Stuffing Didn't Do It

We had a wonderful thanksgiving yesterday at my Aunt's house. There is a story that my cousin's wife's sister (got all that) went to thanksgiving there two years ago and then at about midnight went into labor. AND she had gone to the doctor a few days before and they told her that she wasn't even close to and so nothing to worry about. I thought maybe there was something special in the stuffing that induced labor. Apparently my Aunt is batting .500 as I am clearly not in labor and I am thinking the stuffing has made it through my system.

And so we continue to wait and hope and not be in labor or have one single fucking sign of starting the labor process. I really really want her to come on her own or at least have some progress before I have to be induced in 10 days. I just worry that there won't be any progress and I'm starting to worry that she's going to come out giant sized. Although, I was giant sized and look at how perfect I turned out, so I suppose that will be ok.

Today I'm going downtown to take some pictures of the holiday shopping crowds and walk through the German market and meet the soon to be dad for lunch. Maybe black friday crowds will do it....although I bet that it's calmed down a bit by this time given that the crazy starts at like 4am. So the crazies that did got out should be back home and napping by this point.

Should be a pretty fun weekend. With no plans I'm guessing we'll just be enjoying each other's company and staring at my belly hoping for something different to happen with it.