So today is the big day and I was a little bit (ok a lot bit) anxious last night. It was almost the same feeling I have as before a big race. So it got me questioning how similar this pregnancy was to a summer filled with marathon training.
I always thought that the two things would be very similar. You train your body to go through something horrible and wonderful at the same time. With racing you run speed workouts, you run long runs, you run some races for practice. When race day comes you are prepared to toe the line even if you are nervous because all the work you had done for 6 months has you ready.
With this pregnancy I would have to say I feel like I'm toeing the line for a marathon without having done one single run. Aside from the fact that you can't really prepare for the first time you are going through childbirth, but it's more than that. This pregnancy has been maybe not the most fun thing (really....I weigh what?) and holy hell do I miss running and jeans that can button, but in general it's been super freakin' easy. I have zero, yeah you ready that right, swelling in my hands and feet. Well maybe not zero as my wedding rings became a bit uncomfortable, but very very slight. I can still walk around with the best of them, I wake up to go to the bathroom only about once a night and I'm easily sleeping 8-9 hours per night.
I have talked to other people that are 41 weeks pregnant or at least at the end of their pregnancy and they are so uncomfortable and have had enough pre labor signs that they might be more prepared for labor than someone like me who hasn't.
Add to the fact that if this was a race, when you cross the finish line they hand you something that is literally going to change you life for. ever. I mean not that I didn't know this going in. But it's not just getting through a race. It's starting a new kind of race.
I keep saying, "Oh this is the last time this apartment is going to be so quiet." or "This is the last time we are going to be able to go do this or that". What I have to start doing is thinking about all the firsts that we are going to get to do and how exciting that is going to be. I have a giant fear that Jason and I are going to lose who we are in this process and our relationship will change. And we probably will change, but it doesn't mean we aren't going to change for the better. We have to still make time for each other otherwise we will become what we despise. The people that talk about their loved ones with a hint of annoyance. Or talk about parenting like it's a chore. Jason and I are so excited to be parents and drag that little one all over this city doing fun things. We don't really lead a very glamorous lifestyle and most of the things we like to do will be more fun with a kid in tow anyways. Zoo lights? The beach? Gay Pride Parade? Anything else happening in the city? Hell. To. The. Yeah.
And so like marathon training? Not for me anyways. Marathon racing perhaps. But at the end of this race, instead of JUST being sore and tired, we will meet a Little Lucille Jean. And I'll be a Mom. Wait...who the hell let me be a Mom? WHERE ARE THE ADULTS?
3 months ago