Ok, so I’m busy and want to get some reading done on the train so a bit shorter today. Last night I had the worst dream ever. I mean I woke up and was shaking.
So I am standing up giving a presentation and I realize that it’s my PhD defense seminar. I then realize that I don’t have a projector or slides or anything. I just have my thesis in hand but it seems that it wasn’t written by me as the details are all very extravagant and I can’t understand them. So I just start talking, kind of reading whatever. I start to get asked questions that I can’t answer. My parents are there and have had to leave the room because they are crying because I’m flailing up there like a fish out of water.
After an hour and a half I haven’t even gotten to my research part and I’m stuck talking about the detector and miniscule details. The talk was supposed to be an hour and so I wrap it up quickly and so my talk ends up being a two hour disaster.
I think I woke up at this point and it was only 4am and so I went back to bed. The dream continued and apparently there were like 7 people that had their defense on the same day with the same committee. Out of the 7, 2 hadn’t passed.
I was one of the two. And I was hysterical. I was screaming at my advisor but I couldn’t get the words “I didn’t pass” out.
In real life of course, my adviser is on my committee and so would already know that I hadn’t passed, but hell.
I mean just the thought of 6 years and failing is enough to send anyone into hysterics.
I didn’t go to the gym last night. I’m giving myself till Monday with the achilles. I iced a lot last night and It might have felt a little better. We’ll see. Just taking it slow. Oh and I’m back in the orange Crocs and they are not only super cool, but also they don’t hurt my achilles, so I guess it’s a good thing.
4 months ago