So I've not completely disappeared.
I've been trying to be busy with thesis work amid daily panic attacks about my own mortality. This has happened to me in the past, I just can't seem to get out of the fog this time around. I am sure running has something to do with keeping me level, and as I'm not running maybe things are getting a bit unbalanced. As an atheist.....well it's hard. It's hard to think about, and then quite rightly it's hard to not think about. Like if there is a big pink elephant in the room...ok don't think about it. But how can you not? It's days, or apparently weeks, like this, that I have such jealousy for those with beliefs of higher powers.
I don't know what brought this on, a favorite professor of ours passed away a couple of months ago, friends have recently lost those who are dear to them. The pressure of finishing up this thesis and starting something new I'm sure has something to do with it.
I don't know, but I can't get out of it and the days until the thesis are due are counting down quickly. I am going to go run tonight, maybe start to pound things back into control.
5 months ago