In general I’m a busy girl. I love being busy. Lot’s happening at work means the hours fly by. Usually I am in some kind of fitness program which keeps me on my toes for the non-work hours. Add in random city events, and dates with friends and city walks and whatever most days of the week are packed to the brim.
However, this thesis writing AND getting my publication approved and out is too much. Because now in my non work hours I am stressing out about it. I have nightmares about bugs in the code. Last night I work up at 2am and just about every half hour after that until the alarm went off at 6am. Crazy dreams, and bad sleep and I feel ok today, but it’s always there.
I realize that I am not talking about much else these days. But this thesis is the culmination of 10 years of my life. 4 years of physics undergraduate work and 6 years of graduate work. So even though my career might not being staying in the physics/academia tract, this thesis is the most important thing I have ever done. Hell I have spent over a 3rd of my lifetime associated with Indiana University and studying physics. Think about that...a 3rd of a lifetime is a lot! Thus I can’t stop thinking about it/worrying about it/talking about it/writing about it. I just wish that I wasn’t *so* stressed out about it, but I guess that’s not really my style and I know that so I should just go ahead and accept the stress so I can stop saying, “I’m so stressed out.”
I am looking forward to expanding my horizons in whatever my new path/career might be and I know I will stay just as busy, I’m just hoping a little less busying in my head in the wee small hours of the morning.
5 months ago