Friday, August 24, 2007

Dedication

I first want to say hi to anyone that found their way to this blog from this post over at Pose Forums. There was a link to my scary finish photos on there and some comments. I wanted to comment over there but I don't have permissions. Anyways.

I was especially overwhelmed...is that the right word, by the final comment on the thread made by user jasquiers :
She seems like a pretty dedicated runner from reading her blog. Those pictures appear to be a very extreme example of a war between the body trying to stop running, and the conscious mind insisting it keep going.
The photos and finish of that race have been bothering me since I saw them. I don't know why they affected me so much. I realize it's probably a weird thing that happened with dehydration, mixed with the heat, mixed with we went in the race with some downtime beforehand and whatever other environmental factors could be thrown in there and probably a one time deal because it was a perfect storm of factors. I somewhat talked about this a few posts back. But being a physics grad student I tend to over analyze situations until everyone wants to kill me. So my apologies on bring it up again, but the funkyness of the last few weeks I think stems from that race.

I have been concerned about my need to push through the end of a race like that. I think that the comment above however, is perfect. My body obviously wanted to stop and on some level I knew that, but there is some little thing in my brain that goes, "No no no...you're fine. You're almost done. One foot in front of the other...that's right....BITCH KEEP FUCKING RUNNING."

That little voice doesn't ever go away though. It's always there nagging me. It realizes there is a 100 degree heat index...but 11 miles is 11 miles. There might be a torrential downpour....but 20 miles is...well okay...that was 3 miles.....and the only saving grace in my head about that run last weekend, is that sometimes my mind isn't strong enough to overcome my body's need to "JUST FUCKING STOP FOR A BREATHER".

How about too much metaphysical garbage? Mind Body Soul...what? I think so.

I am just getting over the race finish slowly and getting back into it. This running life is my thing. If I don't PR or qualify for Boston at the Chicago marathon, I'm not saying it's okay. I'm not saying I'll be okay with that outcome as at this moment in time I still think I'm track for a 3:35 race. BUT I know that I'll be lacing my shoes up for the next 50 years of my life......and I do it....cause I love it. I just don't always remember that I love it. It's the only constant in my life. People surrounding you change, and apartments turn into condos turn into houses and jobs change and kids come and parents go....and the one thing that is always and will always be the same is my dirty running shoes in the hallway.....waiting to be put on.

Alright.....don't you love my posts when I don't run the day before. Tonight is 4 miles with 6x100m strides. That's one loop around the Tevatron.

2 comments:

Haight said...

Yikes. Took a peek at those pics. Sure glad you didn't fall and really hurt yourself.

So, have limbo experience? Not to make light of this (too much), but kind of reminded me of one the Monty Python's Silly Walks.

You'll be just fine. You always bounce back.

Go Cubs!

Nicole said...

You know what they say running is 99% mental and 1% physical. I think your mental game won despite the conditions. And, I think running is kind of like football in the sense of "any given sunday". Anytime you go out there to run the environment gives you a different challenge and you do your best to cope sometimes we do better than others. But, you defintely have the right attitude - you are truly a running inspiration.