Monday, August 31, 2009

Hold the Phones...It's Not Just Me & You?

Ok. So right. This is an obvious one.

In about 3 months Lucille Jean R. will be here. In our lives. Consuming them. And we'll be consuming her with love and kisses and pictures and excitement.

Now here is where I get to sound like the worst soon-to-be-mother ever. What happens to You and I? And by 'You' I mean JasonR and by 'I' I mean LeahC. Jason and I have known each other for over 10 years now. We are both a little on the odd side which we recognize and it's because we walk on that side of weird that I think we love each other so much. In addition because we worked together for so long with a group of people that we didn't really fit in to we spent a lot of time together alone.

We found that we love hanging out with each other. The fun thing about being friends for a year and a half before dating is that we are still best friends. People always have these packed weekends filled with fun Chicago parties and outings and whatevers and when they ask what I did I always say, "Um...well Jason and I went for a walk. Then we sat in the park and read". Or something to that effect. We don't have to have any plans to have a great time together, in fact it is the weekends and the evenings where "we don't do anything" that I enjoy the most. Of course we are doing stuff, but it's not anything that would be interesting or fun sounding to anyone else.

Well what happens when a third party enters the party? Will we have time for just him and me? Will we care? Will we notice? I think what's important is recognizing that this could be a question and is a new situation that will arise. A baby changes everything as we all know. And it changes it for the better. But recognizing situations that could be a little tough or stressful is a good thing. Well that's my opinion anyways.

Ok. Thus ending my worst soon-to-be-mother rant, I'll go on to say that Lucy has been kicking up a storm and I love it. She moved a lot when I was getting my tooth drilled out for a cap that is going on a back tooth and I'm wondering if it was loud for her. Hopefully she get's her father's teeth and not these awful teeth that come down the LeahC line.

Hi there, it's Jason. And yeah, I also hope she doesn't get the LeahC teeth. She can have all the rest of LeahC's traits though (and whaddya know, she does!), but the teeth we can pass on.

I think having a baby is a funny thing. It's like, hey, things are great between us and we're happy so maybe it's time to have a kid. I mean, it's only a decision that will effect our lives UNTIL WE DIE. No biggie. And if we lose us, no biggie, it's not like it's a irrevocable decision or anything.

Oh wait.

And so, yeah, it's a scary concept. I guess I just try to look at the people who don't stop living their lives because they have a kid. The kids just become a part of their lives and joins the fun instead of the parents rewriting their lives completely because they had a kid. I look to the parents who didn't erase who they are and what they enjoy in the name of having a family. Perhaps there are times that has to be done, but I'd hope that's a last resort.

And what I most take to heart is that nobody has ever said that a kid has changed their lives for the worse, which is pretty impressive. So while changing a dynamic that has been working pretty damn well for the last 10 years is certainly scary, I think it's just another challenge to incorporate Li'l Lucy into our family the right way. We just have to make sure we don't lose "us" when we upgrade to "all of us".

(oh, and don't believe a word of LeahC when she says anything about being a terrible mother. It is not physically possible for her to be anything less than a spectacular mother. She just don't have the capacity to be anything other than great. So there.)


Scott said...

Well then. . .be prepared for Lucy to be a little annoyed (but not real annoyed) on occasion by having such insightful and intelligent parents.


Megan said...

Wow, I'm glad you posted this. This is one of the reasons I'm not sure if I want to have kids. My husband and I really enjoy just hanging out together, too, and I'm not sure I want to give that up. (And like you guys, we were also friends before we dated--but for six freaking years!)

studiovirgo said...

Ooh, boy. I wish I had more time to comment. Please get in touch any time you want to talk... yes, it does change things. But I think adjusting to parenthood requires not just patience with your little one and with yourself, but with your spouse. You have to know that in the beginning, you will be lost, you will become different creatures, but you will come back to yourself and each other. Relationships take work anyway, and it is hard to find time for that when this third person enters the picture, but you are patient with each other and know that each stage is temporary. I think being a parent has made me a better person (and I am one of those people who really fought to resurface and did a lot of soul-searching in terms of figuring out how to still be ME), and watching the parts of Adam that have come to the fore in parenting has been wonderful too. It makes he love him more. You will get through this like you get through every other aspect of parenthood: one day at a time.

lifestudent said...

Being a parent is awesome. Every change is worth it. BUT ... even though Brooke is 11 months old today, we still arent completely used to the fact that its not just "me and you" anymore ;) And sometimes at night when she is sleeping we just want to go out for ice-cream or go for a nice walk ... and then we remember that we have a baby upstairs. The confinement takes a bit of getting used to. But again, all worth it ;) You will never look back, I promise!